some of the ways that i can incorporate the feedback from my paper is by saying how i will make it better if i were to get a second chance to re-write the proposal. i need to focus more in my solution and put more detail into it. i also need to target my audience in a matter that would relate to their feelings of the subject. i wasn't to clear to who this proposal was directed to and that is a topic i missed many point on. it would become better writing if i knew how to gear my writing toward a audience

Proposal Comments

Regarding the comments I received on the proposal paper, I got similar feedback to what I have gotten before. I still need some developmental work on structure, although I also got comments that this aspect of my writing has definitely improved since the beginning of the course. I talked about structure in my inventory letter quite a bit and the comments I received on this paper will surely add some detail and example that I will be able to additionally provide to the letter.

Can i use these comments?

     Of course I can use these comments. For my revision assignment I am definitely going to take your advice and count all the words in my sentences and try to vary the length instead of everything being so repetitive. I am going to read each sentence out loud and see if everything flows continuously. For example, I am going to first add more to my paper then read out loud, then check if everything sounds right. Hopefully this technique will improve my paper and give me an A+++++++.

Improvement

I plan on writing more objectively than I have been because that was the biggest shortcoming of my paper. This will come from me first deciding who my audience is before writing my paper. If I do this, I will also be less likely to use informal language, and I will probably feel less need to write in the first person.

yo yo yo yo yo

Okay so I read over the comments aaannnnddddd...the biggest problem was not enough talk about how I was going to help cure obesity.  I did a good job setting up why it's a problem, but I needed to focus more on the solution.  I thought I outlined it pretty well, and didn't think it was necessary to fill ALL the blanks for the reader but oh well.  In terms of my next paper I'll just make sure my formulation of claim is strong and my solution is explained deeply.  My portfolio paper is going to be a good one because I have all of these revision ideas in mind. 

Portfolio/Inventory Letterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I will make sure to place my thesis much earlier in my final portfolio paper, as it helps dictate the rest of the paper. For my writer's Inventory Letter, the strengths and weaknesses will be outlined clearly, and I will explain how they fit into my writing as a whole. To further improve my final portfolio paper, I will better keep in mind who my audience is.

,,,,,,,,,,,,

The most common issue with my writing is the placement of commas. Sometimes I add commas unnecessarily, while other times they are absent altogether. I wrote about this very issue in my Writer's Inventory letter. I pause in akward places throughout my sentences, and forget to add commas when necessary. This is a relatively surface-level weakness, but it resuls in an unpolished final product. Punctuation has always been a weak point of my writing, and can be worked on through close revision in future papers.

OMG!

the comments that you left me are that i need to have smoother transitions and have a clear audience. I have to find ways instead of saying "one reason" or "next" to make my paper flow smoother. I have to have a clear audience by keeping my voice and word choice in the tone that I need for the clear audience in my paper.

Judging by my comments, I need to be more clear and focus more on my solution in my paper. It was suggested that I also bring up my ideas for a solution earlier in the paper. If I decide to revise this paper, I will fix all the punctuation and gramatical errors first, try and get to the point earlier in my paper and be more clear on what exactly my solution is.

Hi

I have to state my claim sooner in the paper. Also, I have to claim my audience sooner.

Stating my claim sooner will help my paper because I can back up my claim throught the paper. In other words, the later I state my claim, the less space I have to back it up. The same thing goes for the target audience. The sooner I state my target audience, the more I can adjust my arguemnt towards them.

Last Paper Details

The aspects of my latest paper that need work is organization and audience.

My paper was too informal at times do be geared toward the audience I had intended. I could rewrite some of my paper to make the letter sound more formal. The word choices could be more appropriate for my audience.

The other aspect of my paper that needs work is the organization. The statistics need to be more at the beginning and overall I can improve the organization and structure of the paper.

I got an A!

In my next problem/ solution paper, I will include more options and refute them to make it clear that my solution is the best one possible. In this specific case, I found that the traditional procedure, burying the dead, was really the only option I needed to refute. Any other options were just additions that could be made in addition to the burning of the corpse. I did find one very interesting solution, but it works in a way that people are more uncomfortable with it than they are with the thought of creamation. The new process I learned about was liquid hydrolysis. The body is hydrolized by an acid and turned into a greenish-brown liquid. They take this liquid and put it in batteries which can be recharged. . . very interesting, but even more morbid than I cared to entertain.

Portfolio

I feel that revising my sentence structure is the biggest opportunity in my paper. Sentence structure has been a common issue in all of my papers and I think it will be the easiest to fix. I plan on using the word count strategy to help me address this problem. The second opportunity for revision is punctuation. I need to focus on my punctuation to prevent comma splices. Comma splices have been a major issue in my writing the entire semester. I plan on reading the paper aloud to help me locate awkward sentences.

After reading the comments in my proposal, I know which aspects of my writing have improved and which things I still need to work on. One of my greatest issues throughout the semester was maintaining a formal tone. I mention this problem in my Writer's Inventory Letter, but I did not mention that I have greatly improved because tone wasn't a problem in this assignment. What I should mention in my Writer's Inventory Letter is that I should improve my language because I use vague and weak sentences that could be more powerful. I will also mention in my letter that I must also focus on sentence structure because my sentences in my proposal were almost the same length.

Reflection on proposal

For my Writer's Inventory letter I will make sure I have a strong conclusion, no run-ons and state my problem more clearly. With these items it will help the readers understand what I am specifically trying to say and not just assume what I am trying to say. I will also try my best to avoid repetition because repetition bores the reader. I will also continue to reread and keep my eyes open for any errors.

Portfolio Paper

I will incorporate the feedback into my letter as well as my portfolio paper. I will use the grammar and specific structure suggestions in order to make my paper the best in can be all together. I will take each and every piece of feedback to heart and consider it all to conclude how it will affect my writing. Feedback and suggestions are the best way to make papers better, which is why I will do my best to make every necessary change to my portfolio paper as well as my Letter.

W.I.L.?

Well I finally got an A on a paper! I've never been so happy this early in the morning, except maybe on Christmas! :) I seem to have an issue, using contractions. This is the second time that you have made a comment, about this particular issue. I will be making sure to take out all of these in my Portfolio paper. I also have reciently visited the writing center and we disscussed the difference between then and than. Ironic, that today I recieved the comment that I need to watch which one of these I use, and when. I will be working on this for sure, in my Portfolio paper. Also punctuation has never been my strong point, so I will be making sure that I pay particular attention to this as well.

Comments, Comments, Comments

For my Writer's Inventory letter, I will incorporate the fact that word choice and sentence length are still some of the weaknesses that I walked into class with. I will go back through my revision log to count how many words are in each of my senteces to see if I have enough variation. I will also make sure that my sentence structure is perfect in order for the audience to understand without being confused with the punctuation. The fact that I need to work better on diction ties into the fact that I need to work on my word choice. With working on my word choice and diction, my paper will sound more mature and clear for the intended audience to understand. So....yeah....

Works in progress

After reading over the comments I recieved, I know I need to work on incorperating stronger, more specific words into my writing so that I can make my point clearer to my audience. I need to make sure that my audience is clearly stated. My supporting evidence should be clearly outlined and analyzed so that my thesis is supported.

Using Feedback!!!

After reading over the comments on my paper, there is definitely things that I can use to make my portfolio better. One of the things that I can use is making a stronger introduction. Having a strong introduction leads the reader to want to continue reading and see what you have to say. Another thing that really needs to be worked on is my punctuation. I really need to work on this before English 2030. One way that I can fix this is by reading my papers out loud and see where I can add necessary punctuation. I can include these ideas in my writers inventory letter as possible weaknesses.

Revisions for Portfolio

I believe I can do some easy things to get my paper to become more effective. First, I can cut out all uneeded words, replace words with shorter words, and not use unclear diction. Certain words must not be used because they distract the reader from the visuals. These words I am talking about are usually inflated words that really have no definite meaning. When speaking about topics, I will go in detail about what it is that I am talking about. If I do use these broad terms and words, I will make sure that I explain it one or two steps further.

Strengths and Weaknesses

My strengths are that I am able to formulate my thesis very clearly and consisely. My main, huge weaknesses is I write way too much, and use too many words in what I'm saying. I can also be vague, and unclear about my information supporting my claim. Also, run-ons ruin many of my papers.

weaknesses and strengths

Before taking this English class, I had trouble with gathering thoughts, organizing them in an effective way. My claims were pretty clear. but needed restructuring with the support it included. I am working to improve my overall writing. Organization and sentence structure are key aspects i must focus on.

New Paper Title

I must have missed this blog posting since my light rail was 30 min late on Tuesday. . . While I stood in the freezing cold. . .
New titles could be:
1. Define: Celebrity
2. More than Famous
3. Celebrity?

S and W's

My strengths and weaknesses before this class include, good ideas, good sentence structure, bad planning, and bad thesis statements.  Nowadays my strengths have stayed the same except now...IDK. ..Its hard to pinpoint s and w's before and after this class because I don't really remember what my strengths and weaknesses in my english writing last year were and then this year I know I've gotten better at researching my topics but that's all I can think of.

Strength & Weakness

When starting this class the strongest point of my writing was voice and the weakest point was my examples or details I may have left out. After this course, I still see voice as my strongest point but it is closely followed by my attention to detail. I still have a hard time with not being all that clear with my points but after this class I do know how to improve that on my own. My skill of including detail improved due to that fact that during peer reviews I always got comments and feedback about how to add more detail.

Strengths and Weaknesses?

So before this class, I was in highschool. In highschool English courses if you write the paper and turn it in you get an A! My teachers never really gave me what I needed to improve on. Now, as a college student this has all changed. After writing my first paper, I saw that I tend to summarize what I'm writing about instead of explaining. Since the last paper, I have seen improvement in this area! HOORAYYY!

As of right now, I would say that my strengths lie in that I am very opinionated and can easily write a paper. The weaknesses are that I dont go into detail, and my punctuation isnt the greatest. I believe these have always been my strengths and weaknesses, I just never knew about them. Now that I am aware that they exist, I am working to fix them.

Oh, the things I have learned...

Coming Into The Class
Strengths
Good at spelling and grammar

Weaknesses
Organization
Vocabulary
Transitions

Leaving This Class
Strengths
Being able to write rough drafts with good ideas
Being able to revise and shape ideas into a good paper

Weaknesses
No apparent ones.

Things i have learned

This course has given me the task of learning to write different type of essays related to people emotions, and thought, by targeting audiences that are related toward the subject. this course has  allowed me to see my strenghts and weaknesses in writing and challenged me to go the extra mile in order for me to attempt and become a better writter.

A weakness that has been a problem within my papers has been the analysis part. I tend to be somewhat vague within my writing because I don't fully explain my supporting details. I feel that this has begun to improve, not only with my English papers but with papers for other classes as well. There are still times when I am a bit vague, but I don't feel that it is as bad as when the semester started.
Strengths within my writing are that my papers have a good organization and I remain focused on defending my claim throughout the paper. My papers are almost always well organized. The crucial thing that is needed within a paper is that one stays on the topic of the paper. Most papers usually stay on the topic of whatever my claim may be and I try to defend that claim as best as I can.

strength and weakness

I think my strength prior to this class was being able to write constructed responses and my weakness prior to this class was having a thesis. My strength while taking this class has been sticking to my claim and thesis (meaning not going off track while writing). My weakness are correct punctuation, having lots of run-ons and being concise. I think my strengths and weaknesses have changed while attending this class because I overcame my weakness not having a thesis to now needing to work on something new. Like in life there is always something to work on to become better at something.

My weak points

I had many weaknesses before I took this class and I still believe I have many weaknesses. However, I believe I have improved many of my weaknesses in this class.

Strengths/ weaknesses

I feel like my strength before this class was putting a clear idea together and formatting a paper around my idea. My weakness was making a clear thesis. My strength now is making the paper strong and clear and having a better more clear thesis. My weakness now is putting all the right peices into my paper

heavy metal time

I would say that before I took this class I was relatively unsure of my writing skills because it has been a long time since I have been in school. My ability to articulate is relatively strong, however, sometimes putting thoughts into a coherent train of thought can be a struggle. Before this class I had no recollection of how to cite sources, as it has been eight years since I've been required to do so. Since this class I feel like my writing flows more from one thought to another and I know how to write to a particular audience. Although I feel these areas have improved, I would say that they still need refining. The most obvious of my weaknesses (to me at least) is my wordiness at times. Sometimes I need to just get to the damn point.

Writer's Inventory

Before this class I had problems with run on sentences. My strengths were being able to create a strong argument and being able to incorporate tone into my writing. This class has helped me to improve my sentence structure and sentence variation. It took the majority of the class for me to realize my errors. Now I know what to correct and I'm working on improving my skills. My strength of being able to write a strong argument has improved because I didn't do a very good job with definition paper. I learned that I can't rush through a paper and expect it to make sense. I need to slow down and make sure the argument is strong and focused.

before and after

Before this class it had been 8 years since I was in a classroom so I had forgotten a lot of proper writing rules. My main weaknesses before this class were proper citations and alternatives to beginning sentences. I may have started every sentence prior to this class with The, She, He. . . etc. . . Now I recognize that each sentence needs a new introduction in order to not sound redundant or monotonous. I have also become stronger in the area of punctuation. . . constantly reminding myself of the rules and using them over and over has helped greatly.

Strengths and Weaknesses

My strengths in writing prior to this class were things such as writing a strong thesis, or analyzing sources. My weakness in writing would be using punctuation correctly. I do not really think that my strengths or weakness have really changed that much this semester. I still feel that I can write a strong thesis, because I have had a lot of training as far as what is needed to make a good thesis and what is not necessary. I still think that I include a lot of analysis is my essays. I think this is because I know that this is the key part of what is needed to make a good essay. I know that one of my main weakness is using puntuation correctly. I think that this has not changed because I havent really done a whole lot to fix this.

Oh Well...

Coming into English 1020
Strengths:
-Good content
-Ideas that flow
-Good use of quotes
Weaknesses:
-TRANSITIONS!
-punctuation and diction

Still....My strengths and weaknesses are pretty much the same. I realize that I do favor good content over the fact that my punctuation and transitions are barely there.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Before this class:

Strength: Thesis statements

Weakness: analysis

After this class:

Strength: Formulation of claims

Weakness: Grammar, analysis

I still have the same weaknesses and strengths pretty much. I'm working on the analysis part but I'm not the greatest at it. I have trouble because I put too much fact and not enough interpretation. I feel it will always be the most difficult part for me. My strength has always been formulating a good claim or thesis. It's easier for me to come up with a strong statement rather than analyze the evidence.

Writing

With my writing, I guess when it comes to what I've improved, it has not been on the procrastination of getting the work done. However, I think I've tried to work this year on really putting thought into what I write, instead of just trying to fly through an essay. One thing I know still needs work with my writing is my word choice. Instead of repeating a bunch of words I still need to work on finding other words.

the problems in my life...

strengths and weaknesses in my papers have always been structure, word choice and repetition. I feel like this class has helped me get rid of the repitition in my papers and in my writing. I have seen myself catching when i am using too many words to explain something when i can just simply say it. With word choice, this class gave me facts and the importance of word choice but i feel like I will always struggle with this no matter what.

new titles

Gay Rights

Rights for Homosexuals

titles

1. sone
2. soshified
3. fanfare

Credit Card Protection Reform Analysis Titles

Crash or Credit?
Credit Card Decline
Limits on Protection

Doba vs. Chipotle

More Than You're Everyday Burrito
It's All In The Queso
Funky Fresh Burrito

Title

1. It's only Rock n' Roll, but I like it
2. Rok-un-Rohl
3. Rock and Roll: Undefinable

Three possible titles: Definition argument on the word pain

"Does It Hurt?"

"Pain Is Pain"

"Ouch! Why?"

New names?

Definition Argument of Freedom titles......
1) Analyzing Freedom
2) Freedom Writer
3)Complexity of Freedom

Titles for my paper

1) The meaning of heart
2) The many possibilities of heart
3) Quality of character and heart

New Titles

Rhetorical Analysis Titles on College

1. College: Is it necessary?
2. Higher Education Opinions
3. Who Needs College Anyhow?

This Is The Title

Original title: The Intrinsic Question

1. Innate Spirit

2. Concept of the Divine

3. Goddess Orgy Party

Titles

1.) What defines freedom?
2.) Is freedom actions or thoughts?
3.) Thought defines freedom.

• The Strengths and Weaknesses of "Razing Arizona"
• Is "Razing Arizona" a Successful Argument?
• The Success of "Razing Arizona"

Titles

Beauty: Only Skin Deep?
Beauty and the Beast
Looking in the Mirror: An analysis of Beauty

Titles, Titles, and More Titles....

America's Mistake
Isn't One Oil Spill Enough?
Are We That Greedy?

Fixing the unfascinating :|

The Limitation of Words

"Family" Arguments

Definition Wars

New Titles

-The Power of Hope
-Having Hope can Change a Life
-Hope, the Driving Force

what needs work?

I would have to say my rhetorical analysis needs the most revision. I summarized more than I needed to and did not put enough emphasis on the analytical part. I will utilize the english writing center to improve my writing.

Revising paper

     I think the paper I am going to revise is the definition arguement. Even though I got a better grade on this paper I felt like it needed more work. It could have had more of a flow to it. The paper (to me) was kind of choppy and didn't make sense through out certain parts of the paper. Through revision I can make the definition paper more interesting and make the learner feel like they read it for a reason instead of feeling like I wasted their time.
    To revise my paper I was thinking about reorganizing the structure and making better transitions. To make the flow more continous. I hope that will make it a lot better.

so..which sucks the most?

I would say my ART research definition paper needs a lot of work because i jump around with what it is i define it as and just cus the word was nearly impossible to define anyway.
I could probably make the Pit Bulls one the best because i enjoy researching the topic of misunderstood pitbulls and i also think it was one of my better papers.
Hmmm...I would go about revising my paper just by revising it the good old fashioned way by reading it aloud and making changes i feel fit.  I would definaetely go back and use the sheet with un-necessary or in-effective words and take those out of my paper...specifically.

Portfolio

Between the first two papers, my rhetorical analysis paper need the most work due to the fact that I seemed to ramble and not make my point clear. Through significant revision I can make my definition argument the best, because I have a lot of facts and points that I didn't make that would make the paper better. To revise this paper I would go over the techniques and tricks on the Purdue Owl and have people, with no connection to me, go over the paper.

definition paper need more work

I believe that this paper need the most work because it was a paper I was sure of that I would receive a good grade on, but the fact was that I do not seem to combine the paragraph to good and the readers seem to loose what I'm writing about. About revising my paper I would have more of my peers to read the essay and give me feedback so I can see what I need work on and learn to be able to write a good essay.

Rhetorical Analysis

My rhetorical analysis needs most work because I used too much first person , too much repetition, and needs to be more concise. This assignment I can make the best significant revision because I have a better feel on what an rhetorical analysis is and how to write one. Going about this revising I'd reread my paper, your comments and perhaps look for another article to analyze. These techniques would work because then I'd know what to fix and how to fix it.

Portfolio!

My rhetorical anaylsis needs the most work by FAR!! I didn't do well on it becasue I had too much summary and not enough analysis! I know I can improve this essay the most. Through the last three papers I have learned how to analyze the work and go in depth. The best way I can revise my paper is to ask why? I need to go back and hilight all of the summary and take most of it out. With the support I give, I need to ask questions, how? why? Things like that. I also need to work on punctuation. The grammar from my first paper was pretty bad so I need to go back and revise that. I know what a comma splice is so that will be the first order of business. Well....that's about it....

Portfolio

My definition argument needs the most work because my claim needs to be reworked.I will also need to work on the formality and variation of my diction. I can make the best revision with this paper because it is the best opportunity for me to edit my writing style and learn from my mistakes. I will address your comments on my formality and my claim, but I will also try to revise my content to make it more content specific. The most important thing I need to do is make a clear claim early in my paper. I plan on going back through my paper and culling out useless information and trying to find sources that will help to strengthen my revised claim.

I think that my rhetorical analysis needs more work because it was one of the first papers and I think that my writing skills have improoved since then. However, my definition argument is the paper that might need the most revision. This is because i am trying to make a clear point and in doing so I need my paper to be understandable. To revise, I will proof read and plug in any additional information or research to support my claim.

Portfolio

I think my definition argument needs the most work because there is more revising and changing that needs to be done but I also feel like I can make it the best though revision. I feel like i can make it the best because I know what I need to do and revise to make it better. I would go about revising my paper by making my thesis more clear and my argument more refined. These revisions would help my paper by making it clear and concise and easy to understand what my argument is but also what the other side of the arugument is as well. Also it will show why my argument is better than the other more clearly

editing

My definition argument needs more work because I got a worse grade on it. I believe that I can improve my definition argument more because a large portion of the essay was off topic. I can fix this by removing the unneeded parts and adding in more analysis.

Portfolio

My rhetorical analysis needs the most work because I feel that it can be drastically improved. It is too repetitive, informal, and my arguments can be explained more in detail. I will also need to put more counterarguments within the paper as this seems to be one of my greatest issues. For revising my paper, I am planning on going to the writing center and having more of my peers revise it. Having others revise my paper will be useful because they will give me more feedback on what should be changed.

making everything better.....!

My rhetorical analysis paper is the one that needs the most work. My honest reason was that it was my first college paper and I had no idea what to expect. I didnt try as hard as I could have and I did not do as well as i would have hoped. I can make the definition argument the best because it is a sort of opinionized paper. I feel like it is a stronger paper and I would be able to make it better through my revisions. Specific techniques that i would use would be to print it out and revise my sentence structure and word structure and see it on paper and proofread it. yeah.....WOO!

Decisions...decisions....

The paper that needs the most work on revisions is my Rhetorical Analysis paper because I apparently suck at writing and in depth analysis of whatever I'm talking about. I need to thoroughly explain why or why not the topic/author was engaging the audience, I also need to list more examples that go along with the analysis. To make the ULTIMATE CHOICE....hmmm this is a tough decision....I would probably challenge myself with revising my Rhetorical Analysis because I want to challenge myself on a subject of paper I am not really strong in. GRAMMAR!!!!!!!! I NEED TO WORK ON PUNCTUATION!!!!!! And, and....um......I still have to figure out what other SPECIFIC revisions I have to incorporate into my new Rhetorical Analysis :)

Revision for Portfolio

I think that my rhetorical analysis paper needs the most work. The reason that I think it needs more work than my definition argument is because I put less time into, but also because I had not writen a paper in a while. Another reason that I think this paper needs more work than my definition paper is because I had never written a paper for college and did not know what was expected and what was different than the papers I had written for highschool. However I think that I could make my defintion paper the best with significant revision because it was already pretty good, but with some major changes it could be alot better. In order to revise my paper I think i will go back and make sure that every sentence is good and can stand on its own as well as making sure that it all flows together to make a strong paper.

house party

I have chosen to revise my definition argument. There are some major parts of the paper that I plan to change, such as add another source, strengthen the thesis and reorganize. I will reassess the structure of my paper and make my definition clearer and less redundant in language.

Portfolio!

I think the paper that needs the most work is my definition analysis, I thought that I did a really good job revising, however, it came to my attention that I lost sight of all the bigger things that needed to be done. For example, I used first person in my paper, big NO-NO! I think that I can make the best revision on this paper because I was really into it and had strong feelings about what I was writing. Besides incorporating your comments, which I will do for sure, I will go back to the writing center and make sure that all the grammar and punctuation is perfect, as well as making sure I cover what I am supposed to, instead of writing about what I want to.

Final Project

The definition argument needs the most work. It was the paper that I got the worst grade on and I know I can do better. Aside from suggestions already made, I can make my argument stronger instead of the paper sounding like I'm just giving multiple examples. Examples are great but elaborating more on just a few of them would make it better.

Anne, did you dye your hair darker? 11/11/10

It looks darker than it did

Likes/dislikes

I liked the freedom we had. We got to choose any problem with any solution. The satirical element made this more entertaining and interesting for some.

Workshop!? More like Sweatshop...

The most recent peer workshop, when we looked at every one's creative medium for their proposal, went fairly well. I got a lot of good feedback on what I should maybe change or what people thought were the strong points of my video. The only thing I didn't like, is when someone didn't get the irony of the video and thought it was too serious, not only did this happen a couple times, but these people didn't even give advise on what I should change to make it more obvious to them.

i got the coffee...

i got the coffee.

What i like about this assignment

I liked this assignment because it was different but I didn't really like the workshops. They did not seem as helpful as they usually are and it was hard to figure out what the general assignment was at first. The proposal assignment was interesting because it was different and fun, but I think that it would have been better if there was more in depth workshops or a personal meeting with you. I like everyone's videos and what not but I felt my creative side needed a little work so maybe that's why I did not like this assignment as much. Overall it was still a good assignment and I enjoyed doing it.

I have enjoyed working on this assignment because I like how it has a creative part to it. I also like how we have options for both the writing and creative parts. This is better than just having to write an essay like how we've been doing our whole lives. I have also liked the workshops a lot because they have been very helpful. There really isn't anything I would change about this assignment because it is quite simple and straightforward.

woo! project?

I like the creative aspect of this project and that it is somewhat personal! It was more interesting to be able to write on a world problem and what I thought would help. the workshops did help so that i could get ideas from the people around me to help me get an A!

creative log- smreative log

I liked having the opportunity to write a formal proposal and do a creative piece with it as well, but having to write a creative log seems almost redundant. . . If the creative piece does not do a good job of representing my problem or solution than it should be a lower grade. . . having justification for it doesn't really make the creative piece and better or worse. . .

check out my blog.... i guess.... ......at i think     http://www.thereturn1020.blogger.com/ .  what isn't clear? is it good bad? 

I like how relaxed the style of this workshop was. I also like having the chance for fellow students to evaluate eachothers papers and art. This also gave me the chance to make some touch ups on anything that needed it.

like, didn't like , and woudl change about it

I liked that we had more time on this assignment and that I was able to get help from the libarian. I also liked the workshop we had where we posted comments on everyone's work, that was very helpful. There wasn't anything I didn't like and I wouldn't change anything about this assignment.

Proposalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

What I liked about this assignment was being able to chose our own problems, and then make up any kind of solution to it that we wanted. Not having to research nearly as much as the other paper was also very nice. I can't think of any real problems with this project at the moment.

Sean forgot his Password

I liked this project because I got to make my own documentary! I don't like the peer reviews that much because we aren't sure what we are exactly looking for. I like the paper in general because it was less strict and more creative! Hooray. that is all

Problem/Solution

The workshops helped me to focus my argument on my audiences. The input I received allowed me to change my solutions to be more concise and effective. Overall this assignment has been fairly easy to complete. Being able to chose our own topic and come up with our own solutions made this a fun assignment.

In comparison to..

I liked this workshop way better then all of the rest of them, it was way more open and we all knew better what we were supposed to be doing. The project as a whole I enjoyed wayyy more! It was more creative and that I liked for sure. It was also nice to be able to write this paper on what we wanted to, for me this is helpful in writing anything. If I have a strong emotion about my paper I always seem to do better then if not. It was also nice to know how my paper is going to be graded. I felt like I actually know what the criteria was and I was able to write to it!

I thought that the workshop was kinda helpful but not that much. We didnt really get to talk about peoples comments and there were no guidlines on how respectful people should be. It should be just common sense to be respectful of peoples work but I saw some disrepectful comments. I think next time it should be more organized and the comments should be helpful and respectful. I did think having peers look at eachothers work is helpful though.

house party

The assignment was slightly difficult beacsue I have never done something like it before. However, I had fun with it and my peers helped a lot during the workshops.

Current Assignment

There were things that I liked and disliked about the proposal assignment. One of the things that I really liked was the workshops that we did. I liked that they were more informal and that more people got a chance to look at it and give you feedback. One of the problems with this is that not all the feedback was helpful, some just commented on the looks rather than the content and how effective that was. I also liked how open this assignment was. It gave us more freedom to be creative. The only drawback to this was that it is hard to judge whether we are meeting what you are looking for or not. The main thing that I disliked is that we had to do so many if we choose the brochure or poster choice. I think that 3 posters is ok but if we were doing a brochure we should have only had to do 2 options such as 2 brochures or a poster and a brochure, because they did take a lot of time to create a good brochure with lots of data and information. Overall I would say that I liked this assignment more than the other two we have done because it was more creative, and less structured.

I don't know what to title this....

I liked this style of workshops because it was more engaging and it was interesting to go around the room and look at other people's creative proposals. This writing style was also intriguing because it allowed me to use both my logic and reason, and also my satirical humor. All around, I liked this assignment--it was fun :)

Proposal Feedback

Overall, I enjoyed the assignment. I really liked doing the creative portion of the assignment and I also liked the written part because of the amount of options we had. The workshop was fun and it helped! I liked this assignment all together.

Proposal

I'm going to write my paper as an editorial as to target a wide audience of teens adults and old people. I am going to propose than none of these groups get the flu shot for different reasons: for teens - no homework, for adults- no work, and for old people - its better to die now from the flu than later from something else. It is important to gear my proposal to these audiences because they are the only ones who would be able to read the newspaper and also because they are old enough to get the flu shots. The more people I am able to influence, the

Audience

My audience of the letter I am writing for my written proposal is to the government officials that deal with the nation's problems. I am writing a direct and formal letter in order to express my views and the hazards of global warming. My creative portion of the proposal is to create a website which implements posters as well as pictures and very valuable information.

I would say conservatives.

I think that the audience I'm directing this proposal to would be conservative because in the article I'm reading violates one of the amendments of the constitution and these people would really freak out to know that the right to bear arms would be taken away. I would, how would we protect ourselves from any robbery or burglary? One way I wanted to draw attention was by using the United States flag as a way to show patriotism and try to grab the reader’s attention. I want to know what people would think if this happened to them. Please visit my blog to read this article and give a response.. Thank YOU!!!!! 

www.low-debt-no-2nd-amendment-right.blogspot.com

A Nationwide March Proposal

My topic is obesity and the "Nationwide March" is directed towards curing obesity.  My audience would therefor be anyone and everyone "overweight".  Although, my proposal is somewhat satirical and if there were to be a nationwide walk/run for the morbidly obese than everyone, not just people overweight, would be affected and therefor be my audience as well.  But mainly...this will be directed toward people with weight issues and guiding them into better health.  My essay is formal. 

My proposal

For my proposal I wrote a letter. It is mostly geared to animal lover but I specifically wrote the letter to Ingrid Newkrik, the President of PETA. For the creative side of my proposal I am going to use a poster/brochure. I think this will be most effective when introducing my problem and solution. I do not use pathos like I thought I would but i figure since this is my rough draft I can include more things that I want to . Since my audience is PETA and animal lovers I think it is important to call on them because they are the only ones with power to do something about endangered animals.

Audience

My audience of this proposal would be anyone of concern, particularly America or the people in America who litter often. I plan to get through to them by directly mentioning that Americia has a problem and we need a solution. I believe that it is important to gear your proposal toward an audience because otherwise, it will not hold an interest to the people.

*"(x:[|audience|]:x)"*

My audience is anyone who lives on this world who wishes to keep it clean insofar as possible.

The most important way I will reach this audience will be by showing them the devasting pollution that is caused by both the production of these plastic water bottles, and the pollution they themselves cause when they are not recycled. I will provide various statistical datas to this purpose, possibly pictures of animals hurt by these pollutions, and especially in my diorama, the benefits that will occur in the elimination of these plastic water bottles.

I believe it is important to direct my proposal to this audience because they are the ones who will actually care about the pollution being caused by these water bottles, rather than just turn a blind eye to these problems and say, "its all in the name of progress". While some problems may necessarily arise due to progress, there is an obvious amount of these problems that can be solved, and should be solved.

For my writing proposal, my audience is the President of Mexico. I am writing a letter to him because if there is to be an end to all the violence in Mexico, then he is the person who can make these changes happen. He is the person who declared war on drugs and he has been managing this war, so he is the person who can make the government stop interfering with the drug cartels and he also has the power to legalize drugs in that country.
My creative proposal will be geared towards three different audiences since I will be making three brochures. One brochure will be geared towards Mexico's government, the second one towards the drug cartels, and the third brochure will be geared towards the civilians of Mexico. These audiences are important to my particular proposal because they are the groups of people who are the most affected by all of the violence that has been going on.

Pretty Proposal

My audience is the president of Zimbabwe. I'm gearing my proposal by telling him why the one-child policy works and I have given him many statistics and facts. I think it important to gear my proposal in a persuading and convincing way so that the president understands that starvation is very severe and deadly. He then will consider the policy and learn that with less born into this world less will suffer from starvation and malnutrition.

youth

My audience is the younger generation of America.

I plan to appeal to them by adding humor into my argument. I will start by providing a satirical solution and then state how serious the issue is.

I targeted the younger generation of America because they are not very interested in foreign politics. Also, this issue may effect the future of America so it will affect the younger generations more.

Audience

For my formal assignment I decided to write to Aurora City Councilman Broom. Councilman Broom represents the ward that I live in and the area where my problem is located. By detailing the problem and offering him possible solutions I hope to emphasize the severity of the problem and the relative ease of fixing it. When writing to Broom I must use a formal tone and ensure that I get straight to the point.

For my creative assignment I plan on making a brochure and poster. The audience for the brochure and poster are everyday people that live in the area. Instead of bogging down the audience with the same details I would give to the councilman, I plan on using the more effective points in my argument. I will focus on the fact there is little taxpayer cost involved to implement the programs, as well as focusing on the risks of reckless bike riding. I hope that these facts will get the taxpayers behind the programs. By seeing that the public is behind the programs the government will see that it would be in their best interest to support the programs.

Audience

My audience consists of almost everyone, but is directed mainly towards people who travel to work, like business men or school students. I'm aiming my proposal towards them mainly through the brochures I'm making, one for each specific audience (one for buisness people, one for students). I think these types of people are best suited for my audience because they constantly travel and more likely are late every once in a while, so they best fit my proposal.

PEERS

My audience is the slacking people of the world. I went to the procrastinators and the people who don't care about hard work or schedules. The specific ways are that I list the schedules and that it will pick up the effiency of the entire world! I explain that people will work harder if there is a reward to get the audience to agree with me. My creative assignment shows the importance of the rewarding behavior and how it will change everybody's efficiency! It is particularly important because I want to show that procrastinating is not the good way to go, but hard work and to set a schedule for yourself brings up the efficiency of the world.

Renewable Energy Centre

My audience is the Renewable Energy Centre. I am writing a formal proposal as this would be the most effective way to reach my audience and appear credible. It is important to gear my proposal to this audience because they are responsible for much of our handling of renewable resources and they must approve this porcedure before it can be submitted for government approval.

Hello?

Hmmm....The young female and male generation that are victimized constantly in their lifetime would be the targeted audience for the editorial and creative piece I am putting together. The editorial that I am preparing is geared towards the general public that needs to be taught how to take down a stalker. The creative piece will demonstrate the steps that my solution is presenting. I think it is important for my particular proposal to be geared towards the young men and women in the general public, it allows them to understand that their are other solutions out there to deal with the stalking issue worldwide.

hold your applause, please. seriously, stop clapping.

My proposal is geared toward anyone who is feeling the hurt in our current economy, so the general public. The reason my proposal is aimed at this particular audience is because most working class Americans are desperate and will do anything it takes to save their money. Anything.

Audience

My audience is the leaders of each country. The letter is written as if it were going to be read by the world leaders, it addresses them personally in it. It's written in a formal way so it sounds legit and the leaders will take it seriously. In the video it says ATTENTION WORLD LEADERS. I don't know if I could make it any clearer.....
My audience is important because my plan requires their help. Addressing it to anybody else would not make sense.
That's about it...

Audience for Letter

For my letter the direct audience is the president, however the overall audience is the general public, specifically people wanting to get married. I am gearing my proposal to this audience by making the changes effect that specific group of people. For the written part I wrote to the president because if he see something as needing to change it has a better chance of getting passed. This will in turn effect the general public. For the creative part my proposal will be more toward the general public because it will be in there direct sight and given to them. My proposal is for this audience because they will be the ones effected if the changes takes place.

The audience for my paper is the Chancellor at the University of Colorado Denver. I chose to write a letter to him, because he is really the only person that can make changes like I am proposing. I wrote the letter as a student, and how that the lack of an athletic fee affects us. The letter is geared totally to the Chancellor, however, the creative side of the proposal will be geared to the students at the school. It is important to make the students realize what the benefits of paying the optional fee will be.

Audience

My audience is to the President of the United States. My proposal will be in a professional format which addresses the economic problems our President must face. My creative aspect of my proposal will be three short poems. It its important to aim at this particular audience due to the potential impact it might have.

its all about the audience!

my audience is people that dont know much about internet fraud and the companies whose names are used in creating fraud. specific ways that i'm gearing my proposal to them is i'm making a brochure for the people and i'm writing a letter to the companies. i think its important to gear this to this particular sudience because i feel like i would get the most attention from these two particular audiences

Proposal Concerns

My only concern would be how to set up each paper as in what to do for each both the written part and the creative part.

I guess my biggest concern with this project is that since it has so many open doors that we can choose to work with (which I love, by the way!) that with mine being done in a satirical manner I won't cover all the loose ends that could potentially pop up and create a problem with my claim. Also, works cited page?

I'm worried that this assignment will not go the path that it's suppose to go. i think that i dont have a strong solution to this problem and dont know which way to go.  should we inclued any  cited pages... it seems like a fun assignment but lets see how it goes.

I'm Scared

I'm afraid that my work will not recieve the recognition it deserves. I know my paper and my visual aid will both be beneficial to the class, but I'm kind of afraid nobody will be smart enough to understand. Oh, the life of an intellectual...

My questions

    My only question is if we are supposed to include any work cited pages or if this is based only on our belief of our problem we picked. I don't really know what to expect for the feed back for the workshop. I would like you to explain more in depth about what is due next class period so I have a better feel for what I should do. 

Feedback

When we do workshops next week I'm hoping to provide better feedback than previously. Now that we've done a few workshops I think we get the idea and know how to give supportive and structured criticism. I'm hoping to receive, feedback wise, what I give to others and hope they will also take the time to really read and provide strong criticism.

I elieve that for the most part I am pretty set with this proposal assignment. I think the insructions are simple enough and all the information needed to write this proposal is easy to find. I also like how we can be satirical if we choose to be, which makes things feel more laid back and more my style. This will certainly be interesting to se how the project works out.

Questions and Conerns

Do we have to use a creative proposal that you suggested or may we come up with something else? such as a poem?

problems?

Concerns i have regarding the project are mainly related to the creative side of the project.  My real world problem is obesity and im just not quite sure how im going to put photos together to show what i propose we do to cure obesity in America. 
In the peer workshops next week im just looking for good advice and ideas as to how i can better represent what im trying to portray in terms of obesity in America.

Questions

I have a problem and a solution, however, I don't know how I'd go about doing it.
My problem is Starvation in Africa and my solution is establishing the One-Child Policy (like what they have in China). I think it is a good solution because the less people brought into Africa, there will be less that will starve and that way they can try to save money that they don't have. I will write a formal proposal but I don't know if my solution could be possible because there is so many countries and governments in Africa, so who do I address?

Concerns

The concerns I have about this paper is making my point strong enough to persuade people that this can be a solution to procrastination. It is a hard topic because there is so little research or reasons to back up my solution, but if I word it right, it can be a strong paper. Also, finding and completing my medium if going to be a challenge.

Questions?

For this assignment my biggest concern is how I am going to tie together my letter and the creative assignment. The type of feedback that I am going to need for the letter is making sure that it fits the topic and addresses both the problem and solution without sounding disrespectful to the recipient. For the creative part the type of feedback that I would be looking for is that it is visually appealing as well as having good information.

project

In this new paper I feel pretty comfortable. In the peer workshops, I'm looking for useful feedback on how to make my project better and more effective. I want to know what I can improve on and hopefully doing the peer reviews next week will help.I feel like the assignment is pretty straighforward and I dont have any questions.

I am worried about this essay becasue I have never done anything like it before. It seems like a fun assignment but I dont know where to start or continue when I do.

Questions and Comments

My biggest concern for this project is length. Since I will be writing a letter for the written part of the project, I would like to know how long it should be. I would also like to know how big a brochure should be for this project. Can it just be the size of a regular piece of paper or should it be bigger? A question I have about the written part is if I can add some personal information on it, since I think that it will explain why that problem interests and affects me.
I am actually excited for this project because I like to make colorful and creative things, which is why I want to do a brochure that not only will be informative but it will also be colorful. I am looking forward to receiving useful feedback during the workshops next week, and I will also do my best to give some good feedback.

Concerns about this project

The concerns I have about this project is that plastic water bottles may not be as big a problem to the world's water systems and environments as I think. Obviously they are eyesores, and its awful to let them, much less anything, just float around in the water, but how much problems does this really create? I might be hard-pressed to find explicit images of creatures suffering from problems created by the plastic water bottles; rather, I might have to find more generic pictures of water and environment pollution, and work it to my cause.

I would be appreciative of feedback that could point me to different sources for information about plastic water bottles and the problems they cause, and possibly information about the types of plastic itself.

Concerns/Feedback

The point of this assignment is pretty straight forward. The only concerns I have about the project is taking the main argument and presenting it in two ways. I plan on using the proposal as a letter to a government official and then using a brochure to get the argument to everyday people. The ideas are the same throughout but I have to show them in ways that are effective to the different audiences. I hope that the workshops will help give me feedback as to the effectiveness of the specific arguments.

Proposal Concerns

The only concern I have really is that people won't understand my paper is supposed to have a satirical solution. The previous blog we wrote people questioned how this was to work in real life: its not supposed to work in real life. Its satirical. I understand the letter and everything and the media, I'm not exactly sure that what I have is what Forsyth is looking for but I'll show it to a few people and see what they think. That is all.

Only Concern

The only concern I have for this piece is whether or not I can make a live documentary with actors in this time frame. Hopefully I will be able to make a two minute movie, however, I'll probably have to do it in a photo essay type set to music. Hmmmm, feedback? I don't think I have any questions for this assignment, it seems pretty understandable and easy to attempt.

Proposal Questions

My only concern really is how this is supposed to work. I'm writing a letter to the Deans of both the Boulder and Denver campuses and then making brochures and posters. Does this mean I write a three page letter and create two posters and a brochure? I just need a little clairfication on this.

Proposal Questions

This assignment seems much more involved than the others but in a good way. This is much more creative. If we are being satirical though, do we need the presentation to be credible or look rediculously un-credible? That is the only part that I am worried about.

Claim

World conflict and famine are with out a doubt crucial issues plaguing today's societies all over the world, and due to hang-ups in legislature and litigation there seems to be no government solution in site. Something as simple as a fundraiser may be just what is needed to bring the world together for not only financial support but world-wide comradery.

In order to stop the world population from growing even more leaders of all nations should come together and plan out a world war in order to reduce population.( I know it sounds bad but i had nothin)

My claim on extinction of species

Killling of endangered species should be taken more seriously, therefore this act should be punishable by law and the those who commit this crime should be punished by imprisonment or death.

my claim

Obesity in America is far too common, I suggest we issue a nationwide run equipped with nutritionists, trainers, and doctors to monitor the "clinically obese" as they walk/run from coast to coast over a span of three years to not only help them lose weight, but to improve there general quality of life as a whole.

Proposal

Medical marijuana is a key element that could potentially pull our nation out the recession because of the wide ranging patients and unique economic/ social circumstances.

claim

The Never Ending Vending machine will most definitely end starvation in Africa because it will produce a diferent variety of food that will never cease to exist.

Claim

Since the dawn of man made products and packaging, littering has always been an issue. For me, it is un forgiving to the earth to trash it with items that are not bio degradable. Maybe someday, with the proper actions, the world can lean to properly pick up after themselvs. It is an easy resposibility to throw away your trash and with this proposal, I intend tomake people realize how easy smart it really is to keep it clean.

Claim

In order to discontinue people continuously being late, time should be forever frozen.

The Final Solution

My problem is global warming and my solution is to prohibit strong polluting technologies and businesses as well as throwing polluters behind bars until they have learned their lesson.

Claim

The Mexican government needs to stop interfering with Mexico's drug cartels, while both Mexico and the United States legalize the consumption of drugs in order to end the violence that has terrorized the entire population of Mexico and the U.S.

claim party twenty ten

In this increasingly frightening economic climate the newly bereaved can rest assured that their energies may be focused on the remembrance of their loved ones as opposed to the astronomical costs of burial or cremation with economically fiscal body disposal services.

CLAIM

Since internet fraud is a growing problem, the companies whose names are used to create fraud should tighten their control on their company name and reputation so it makes it harder for scammers to rip people off by creating a system that cannot be easily copied; like that of a drivers' license or a dollar bill.

My Claim...

Every couple should have to meet a specific set of requirements before they get married to help keep divorce rate in America down in order to show the importance of family.

Stalker Prevention!

Because stalking is a major issue on the rise, the female population should carry baseball bats at all costs to ensure their safety amongst the general population.

Reckless Bicyclists Claim

Stricter enforcement of traffic laws and new bike paths will lead to safer streets and safer habits.

Renewable energy in our own graveyards!

Because of the growing population we are running out of land for people to inhabit, graveyards take up a lot of space and are filled with renewable energy resources, we should impliment a new system that allows us to morne our dead and then burn their bodies for energy. This will rid us of the need for graveyards and thus make more room for the living while ensuring that our physical bodies are put to good use.

claim

Instead of punishing North Korea for testing nukes, America should weaken their military power by helping them improve their economy.

THE solution for AIDS!

The worldwide HIV/AIDS pandemic is a problem that could be simply solved if we relocate all people with the viurs to an island segregated from the rest of society bringing silent suffering to stable serenity.

Tickets Please!

I believe that as students at the University of Colorado Denver, we have the rights to have all to attend the sporting events even though we dont live on the Boulder campus. I am proposing that there is a OPTIONAL athletic fee that would allow the students who want discounted sutdent tickets to events to be able to get them. I also think that this would increase the school spirit on the Denver campus as well. After all we are Buffs! :)

Plastic Water Bottles Run Amok in Water

Plastic water bottles are increasingly polluting the world's water supplies, and the process of creating them is polluting the water as well. Most of these bottles are non-biodegradable, so they will float in the water until they are taken out. The best possible solution is to seize the assets of the companies that produce these plastic water bottles, and then shut down these companies. The seized funds and assets will be used to create a coalition dedicated to taking out all of the possible water bottles out of the world's water systems.

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1080/1080-h/1080-h.htm

7th Rule

Instead of making broad statements, one should always speak directly to the audience. The readers should have mental pictures of the arguments to solidify their understanding of the topic. The writer can accomplish this by using dialect that emphasizes specifics and examples.

7th Rule

A seventh and eighth goal that I believe could be added to Orwell's list could be; when analyzing a piece of writing , don't be harsh just to be harsh. Try not to pick out and dwell on small details just because you are analyzing. Also don't set unrealistic goals for your writing.

Don't agree with Number 1

I don't agree with number one "Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print," because even though it may seem wrong to the author, I personally think if you can use them to deffend what you are saying then why not? Simile and metaphor is just something we have been using for a long time. If you know what a simile or metaphor means than they can support your claim or thesis correctly.

New Rule

For a 7th rule I would have to say do not go off into tangents on an unrelated topic and do not use repeated words throughout the writing.

the seventh rule

If there was a seventh rule for any phrase it would be........ i dont know.......repeated words throughout the phrase, paragraph or essay.

A seventh rule?

I liked Orwell's rule that he has for good writing. I guess for a seventh rule I would say, keep to the point of the story, don't stray off topic.

Orwell

For a 7th rule...Avoid using the word I as much as possible.

orwell

Orwell's sentiments on the degredation of the English language is valid but his solutions are somewhat idealistic. The rules he sets to follow are somewhat pretentious and nationalistic to think there will be no other cultural or lingual influences. The age of the article can explain his concern with the use of English in writing. Orwell does well bringing to our attention common overuse of certian diction but for modern times, may well be too narrow in his view.

A seventh rule!!!

7) Use correct punctuation and intersting word selection.

George Orwell's Forgotten 7th Rule

7. Never knowingly use language which is ambigous or unclear, or otherwise obscures your intended meanings and arguments.

This is an important rule, mainly because it forces us to re-think our word choice and structuring of sentences as we write them. Many times we find a particular word, phrase, or something similar that sounds very pleasant in our mind and even when reading, and we will be tempted to use these even if they add nothing to the paper except aestheticism. According to George Orwell, this would be a large problem as arguements are most persuasive and engaging if they can be clearly understood and concise.

Rules

I disagree with #2 because it depends on what kind of tone you are using. If i was using a professional tone and I used small words instead of some big ones then they may read my paper and think that I am ignorant or incapable of writing professionally. Using big words can be a display of someones vocabulary as well and show that they know what they are talking about.

Disagreeing with Orwell

One of the rules stated in Orwell's paper was never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print. I think its fine to use a metaphor or simile. Especially in creative writing similies and metaphors are important and they help make the imagery vivid. He stated in his paper one of the two problems in the example he used was it's staleness of imagery. He is sort of contradictory in this sense and it confuses me. That is all.

Exception to Number 1

Rule number one of Orwell's solution to fix the problem with the English language states that one must "never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print" (Orwell). I disagree with this rule because there are certain figures of speech which can be useful in one's piece of writing. If one knows the meaning of a certain figure of speech and if it makes sense to be used within the piece of writing, then why not use it? I believe that, in some cases, figures of speech such as metaphors and similes can make a piece of writing seem more vivid and descriptive. If these are used in other print documents, then it means that these figures of speech are useful and popular, not that they're bad to be used within one's own writing.

#7

If I had to add a rule to George Orwells list it would probably be that, when writng, one should try and let it flow naturally with out thinking too hard about what one is trying to say. I feel that this is a good way to show true voice to the reader. After all, we never really think too hard about what we want to say in a conversation and that is one of the most truest forms of "voice". Maybe some day, I can learn to write as naturally as I speak.

Orwell Rules - disagree #1

George Orwell's first rule in regards to never using a metaphor which you are used to seeing in print is a rule that doesn't work for me. Metaphors that we are familiar with help us share a meaning quickly and allows those within our culture to understand it on a broad level. Coming up with new metaphors is a great way to emphasize something and share it in a new light, but not all readers/ listeners may be able to relate or understand your new metaphor. There are metaphors that are used here in the U.S. and there are different metaphors used in England for example. These are great cultural reminders and I think they should stay.

new #7

New 7th rule:
Never lengthen a sentence needlessly by adding words or phrases that don't relate to your point just to sound smarter, it will make you sound like you don't know what your talking about

Orwell Article

7.) The quality of the work is what matters, not the amount.

Orwell's Rules

I would say that for the most part that the six solutions for fixing the English language are pretty good, however, I would have to disagree with rule number 5. I believe that sometimes it is okay and acceptable to use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word in a paper. It makes the paper more interesting at times, and there is sometimes a "everyday English equilvalent" that works, but makes the paper more boring.

7th Rule

Always remember "stuff" not "fluff" when writing.

7

Do not create long and complex sentences when two simple ones will do.

GEORGE ORWELL!!!!!!

Hmmm......I disagree with #5 which states that we should never use a foreign phrase or a scientific word because I think that using foreign words dictates our voice of the paper and determines our audience that we choose to speak to based on how advanced our writing language is. If we all do as Orwell states, our voice of the paper will seem very elementary because for most foreign phrases, English equivalents don't exist. So by transforming all of our phrases into Saxon words, the complexity of our papers will vanish.

6 word story

People suck. I like dogs better.

Six Words

Reba is my girl. Ture story.

six words that tell a story

Wanted to stop being a procrastinator.

6 words

Stressed. Forgetful.  But exceptionally happy.

6 words

happily busy...always all the time

toffee-nosed

Dolphins are such pretentious little bastards.

6 word story

english paper is due today...s#*@

My life in 6 words

Well, I can live with that.

Six Words :)

Living for the perfect, unexpected ending.

6 word quote

I'm more tired than I look.

6 words

Twenty-four hours, too much to accomplish

6 words of awesome

Tragedy in life creates inner strength.

6 Word Story

Love with everything that you have.

Six Word Story

Big dreams, big goals, working hard.

This assignment rocks...wait, is this a joke?

Six Words

Behind the smile lies something more.

story

Don't give up until it's over.

Six words of life

My life is travelling the world.

fun semicolon how-to

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon

Revisions

I am not thrilled when having to write the same paper over and over but I can certainly see a difference each time I write a new draft. Being critical of your own writing is hard but makes you see your repetative mistakes and learn not to make the mistake in the first place. I think draft writing is beneficial and in my next draft I will incorporate the opinions of my peers about my paper and will formulate a conclusion for my paper.

25%

   While doing my previous papers, during the revision process, I would not change much when it came to content. I would fix minor grammar errors or little things that a peer may have caught during a workshop, but I never really made drastic changes like adding or removing whole paragraphs. I think this was because, half, I didn't really want to put in the work or thought. Also the quality of the feedback from peers was really never taken seriously, by them which results in me not taking it seriously either.
   During the current paper, definition argument, I put a little more time and effort into writing the first draft so I want to see myself get a better grade. When I get great feedback, about what I should change I will change it and maybe elaborate and go into detail about the points I may have just skipped over. In result, from the first draft to the second draft I have changed my paper about 20-25%

Revision Mania

I think close to 30% of my paper will be completely different than my original draft because I usually have a hard time writing a "good" paper the first time. I have come to find that revision, though sometimes tedious, is more important than many like to admit. I think the reason why it is so important to writing a good paper is because it

revision

I believe that a revision on my paper will be necessary because I first of all do not right good papers I tend slack of on my writing. There are a lot of simple mistakes I over see and pay no attention to them. This revision would be good for me in a way that would allow me to become a better writer by seeing my weak points and also give me a boost in revising my papers that in the future will help me out greatly. Its is going to help me out fin

Revising my paper

    I think that a really good portion of my paper is going to have to be revised. My best guess would be 40%. My strategy on making my paper better is going to be breaking down each paragraph and rewording each sentence so they each contribute to the paper as a whole. I feel like I have a lot of fluff in each paragraph that doesn't need to be there. I am also going to work on my organization because that seems to be one of my bigger weaknesses. To improve my grade i am going to try to make my writing more interesting so the reader doesn't not have to zone in and out of the essay. I feel if I just changed minor things then my essay would be significantly better then my previous work. I will try to vary my sentences in length and choice of diction so it is not so repetitive. Hopefully this works out better then my last essay.

what will i do

For my paper im going to probably end up changing 15-30% of it during the revision.  This paper is a lot harder than my pitbull essay because my claim is more of a stretch in this paper.  I'll have made three revisions when the final paper is due and to me thats plenty.  I do feel however that my revision process will need to change over from highschool because high school revisions were typically a piece of cake, but i can see now that these papers need to re-revised and re-read over and over.  ..."and that's all i have to say about that..."

Revision

In the past when I revised I used the help of fellow classmates and my family to give me ideas and pointers on how to make my paper better. Revising helped me a lot and still does. Today, I usually look over my paper from grammar, punctuation, proper sentence structure, etc. When I revise my paper myself I think it is good enough but then I have classmates and or friends/ family members do some more critiquing of my work. Revising helps me a lot especially from other people because I get other individuals ideas and opinions on how to make my paper better.

How did we revise our paper?

To revise my definition agrument paper I had Lucy read it and give me some feed back. Her feed back was really helpful. Some things I did to revise my paper was one, recite more of my sources, two, not use too much first person talk in some areas, and three, remove my personal thoughts from the 3rd paragraph to the closing paragraph.

Revisions

To revise my definition argument paper, I tried to improve the analysis of it. This was a problem in my rhetorical analysis paper, so I decided to improve it in this paper. I did this by explaining some of my ideas more in-depth because some of them were vague. I also added another source to my paper, as it was recommended to me on Thursday during the workshop. All of the feedback that I received from having people revise my paper was also useful and I tried to incorporate most of their suggestions withing my paper. For the final draft of my paper, I hope to eliminate most of the grammatical errors that it may have so that my paper is as best as I can make it.

10%

When writing this paper, I feel confident in the content, however, it is a bit redundant at times. My revisions will probably change my paper slightly to clean up and make my paper more concise. In revising this paper, I will also focus on paragrph transitions. My previous writing style has basically stayed the same. I do pay more attention to transitions between paragraphs, as I feel this is a weakness in my writing. I have a fair amount of writing experience through work experience. Very frequently I write notes to families, individual learning plans and newsletters for the classroom. In doing so, I have had to pay attention to my voice and make sure it is a professional one.

Revise

I usually am not the best at revising my papers however in this particular paper I belive that I should be able to revise at least 10-15% of my paper with out changing it too much. I think that, over all, I have pretty good paper. Some gramtical aspects about my paper could be changed along with how I cite my sources with in the paper. This shouldn't take much revision at all. Other than that, I am pretty satisfied with the content and structure of my paper. Needless to say, there is always room for improvement.

Revising

I really have to do well on this paper. As far as revising goes I will go back through and ask why in all my arguments since in my last paper it was a problem. I will go back and check all the punctuation because that was also a problem. I will read it aloud and make sure the sentence structure and organization is ok, which I did not do last time. The other main thing I will do is have someone not in this english class look at and try to tell me what the purpose of the paper is and see if they can pick out my thesis and arguments. I took into account the changes that needed to be made from the first peer edit and I will do this process again with the second peer revising. I also need to go back and look at the first paper and look at everything I did wrong and try to not make that happen in my second paper. Hopefully it will be better.

Paper gooder

In performing revisions to my papers, I usually change at least 10% of the paper's content and structure. This number may seem small, and that's because it is. I always feel like my papers are very good as-is when I write them the first time, and unfortunately, this hampers the paper, because no paper is good enough in the first draft. On this paper, I will revise probably the whole thing, because I'm probably going to change my claim, if not my definition as well.

Through my revisions, I had realized that both my definition and claim of my term "alive" must be reworked, as they didn't really work and cover all that I had wanted to say. Even now, I have to go back and truly analyze these two, and see if they really explain what it is to be "alive". I also have revised my word choice, as it was originally lacking in its ability to properly convey what I was trying to argue. Hopefully, by Thursday, I will have a masterpiece on my hands or rather, your hands.

35%

Revision definitely isn't my favorite process while writing a paper but probably the most important. When I revise my papers, I like for them to change drastically for the better. In writing this paper, it has already changed alot from the first draft to the second. I think it still will change from the second draft to the final but not nearly as much as the first draft to the second. Revising this paper was not that bad seeing as alot of it was research and organization but it still wasn't fun. Revising is important when composing a good, well rounded paper, I know, but it gets so boring sometimes! Peer review sessions are helpful because I am able to get another perspective on my paper and it helps with the revision process alot.

REVISION!

Revision, the act of editing grammar and expanding ideas. Most of my revisions for papers are more of editing grammar than really anything. Since my papers always seem to have detailed content, there's very rare times that I have to expand on a certain section. However, I do expand on almost every paragraph whether someone commented on it or not. For my definition paper, I think that I will have about 25-35% of different (or expanded) content in my paper. Granted it will probably be more grammar based content than expanded themes or opinions, but nevertheless, some of my paper will be revised differently.

Revision

So for this essay, my main thing that I'm working on as I work towards the final draft is just cleaning everything up to make my essay one of the better essays that I've written. All I'm pretty much doing is going through, rewording parts here, taking out pieces, adding more in and so on. This is mainly because my first rough draft was simply a bunch of thoughts thrown together just so I had at least the main idea of what I kind of wanted, down on paper. Now all of it just needs a bit of editing and touch up to become a nice essay. I'm betting that from my first rough draft to my up coming final draft, the overall change will be about 50 percent.

Revision

In the past as far as revision has gone, nothing major has every really had to change. In highschool revision was more fixing typing mistakes and problems with grammer. The only time we ever really looked for bigger picture things was when the essay did not fit the prompt or topic at all. For this paper some of the things that I plan on working on as far as revision goes are making sure the paper flows. My transisition so far seem to be pretty bad, so that is one of the major points I need to work on for this paper. Also for the definition paper I need to work on my introduction. It does not really catch the readers attention, or make the reader want to continue reading and that needs to change. As far as what I have done between the first two papers for revison the biggest thing I did was take out uneccesarry filler information, and add in more essential information and alot more anaylis rather than summary. I would say that my paper is probably going to change about 15- 20% between the first draft and the final draft. I say this because any paper definitly needs work but I feel like i had some good ideas and a good start so it does need to completly change but somethings both major and minor need to change.

5-10% Change

For the first paper the only revisions I did were the suggestions from the peer workshop. This time I plan on going through the paper closely and seeing what I can improve on in regards to structure. Some of my paragraphs are a little "wordy", and I will need to go through and edit so the paper has one continuous style. The overall content of my paper is relevant and to the point, all I need to focus on is grammar and structure.

Let's make this one better...

This next paper, I really have got to rock it. I really need to spend more time dedicated to it. The revision process will be much more tedious, what I think is good, doesnt quite cut it. So I have already planned and scheduled a trip to the writing center for the day before the paper is due. This will be the last revision done to the paper before I turn it in, hopefully this is more helpful then last time. Also we are doing two peer editing this time which I am really taking seriously. I cant have anymore C papers EVER! Hopefully the people reading my paper will really just tear it apart this time. I need it. Also I have scheduled a meeting with Forsyth and hope that she will help me improve my paper to get it to that coveted A! :)

revisions

I go through huge revisions. Everytime I return to my paper to edit, I think of new ideas and remove old ones. Since I make big revisions, it takes me a while to do them. However, I believe that these revisions make my paper better. I would say my paper changes about 35% from the first draft to the final draft.

SLANGuage

When it comes to talking around friends, or people my own age in similar situations, I tend to be a little more relaxed with my language and will eventually drop a couple "naughty" words once and a while. However, I think I am different than most people in the way that I speak with proper grammar in most situations. Of course I'm a little more professional and proper when it comes down to meeting a new person, speaking to someone my elder, or an individual who holds authority over myself. This is just a respectful way to act, and although its more of an unwritten rule it bothers me when its broken. That's why to be aware and follow the rule myself.

Language

    My voice and language can be different when talking to various people. For example my voice and language changes when I talk to people with authority I am more respectful and proper. When I am with my friends I tend to speak more immature (even though I am very mature)! If I am in public I act more appropriate and not like a menace, but when I am with my mom I act more open and try to get a rise out of her, The most important thing is that I know how to act around different communties and people.

My voice changing...haha

My voice changes whenever im around friends im more comfortable regarding language whether it be more cussing or less.  Around teachers, im polite.  Around adults in general im respectful and watch my language, but when around my brother and close friends its whatever comes out.  My language isnt that profane anyway so i don't usually have to watch it.  if you speak maturely in front of adults, cussing happens, its when you overly use "bad" words that makes you come off as either un-intelligent or just simply without care for what comes out of your mouth. 

Voice - Change for audience

Your voice and your language changes depending on who you are speaking with. If you are with your family you may use a different tone than you would with your friends. You also have different shared experiences and you may use a more connotative way of speaking that others may not understand. with Teachers you may want to have a more professional face so you may be more formal with the words that you chose and how you phrase your sentaces/ questions/ responses. . . You know that different people expect different things from you and and so you play the role that is expected of you.

people

My laguage changes depending on the people I am with. If I am with my parents or my teachers, I try to be respectful. If I am with my friends, I tend to be more relaxed and true. Although being respectful is a huge part of me, I cannot show all of my self to the teachers or people I barely know. This is becasue my friends and parents understand me. Since they are more understading, they are not going to judge me by my mistakes.

Voice & Language

The voice and language I use changes depending on who I am talking with or simply who I am around. When I am with my family and friends my language and the voice I use tends to be less formal and contains more error. When I am at work or school or with an important adult figure my language is much more sophisticated and my voice contains less error all together. If you use the wrong language or voice with the wrong person then you might send the wrong message and they may look at you as someone who is not serious or does not care how they may act. The use of voice and language is very important in society and one must use it properly and different for different people in their life.

Voice and Language in Speaking and Writing

Voice and the language used can have a significant change depending on who the audience is. When I'm around people whom I know very well such as my friends and family, my voice and language isn't formal and I pretty much use any type of language. There are times, though, when a professional type of language is needed, especially around friends, because you also don't want to seem like an ignorant or unsophisticated person. When I am speaking with a teacher, a stranger, or any other person, however, my voice and language tend to be more formal and respectful. I watch what I say and I try to use a tone that is appropriate during the conversation. Voice and language can also change in writing because with friends and family, it is not as necessary to write formally as opposed to writing to other people because a more formal and grammatically correct style is needed.

I belive that my language doesn't chage too much depending on my community. Its more so how much of myself or my language I reveal to certain people. For instance, around my friends I can be my entire self and say pretty much anything at anytime and I would feel comfortable enough saying it. While with my family, it is a little more different. When communicating with my family, I tend to be a little more serious and respecful but at the same time I don't really change that much because I use similar language around my parents as I do around my friends. As far as communicating with teachers and other similar figures, I try to stay very respectful and professional in attempts to make a good hard working impression.

voice and language

My voice and language changes alot depending on who I'm talking to... If I'm talking to my friends and some members of my family I talk informally and relaxed. When I talk to my teachers I speak more formally. I like to think that I speak with respect no matter who I'm talking to. When I speak to my co-workers it can either be work related which is a more serious conversation or more of a personal conversation which is more informal. My voice and language usually go together.. If my voice is relaxed and informal usually so is my language and if my language is formal and "down to business" usually so is my voice. Sometimes I try to hide what I really want to say or how I really feel through my voice and language by trying to make one or the other sound or seem like something else.

Language and style

It becomes more formal, much more concise, and the kind of diction used changes significantly. You attempt to show a more mature and intelligent side of yourself than you would feel the need to with friends. If you were too formal and impersonal when talking with friends, they might think you're not really friends, or that you don't feel connected to them. With family, its even more so informal and colloquial, and you are able to hopefully show all of your own personality when talking with them. However, it is necessary to show a little restraint rather than with your friends, as they are likely to disapprove or become indignant at your communication, because they likely perceive you as a good person still.

F-Bomb City

My voice and language changes from an academic tone in a paper, to more casual when talking with a friend. Professionally, I tend to use more formal language when discussing a student with their parent. I like to believe that for the most part I am relatively articulate even in more casual settings, and I definitely have formal language when writing.

Language

Depending on the audience your writing to, the language and voice you use changes. Changing your language to match the audience of your writing helps in developing credibility and ethical appeal. Your writing style helps to draw the audience into the paper. If you don't adapt your style, you will alienate some audiences if you use a high level style when writing to a lower level audience. You would also turn off higher level audiences if you use a low level style. Being able to adapt your style to the target audience, will allow for the ethical appeal of the paper to grow.

Voice

My voice and language varies whenever I am interacting with people from the academic world by substituting simpler words with more complex sentences and thoughts. This is because I want to show my audience that I am sophisticated and that I can answer with an intellectually open-mind. I want to prove the worth of my education I was raised upon so that my audience will see that I can communicate with them thoroughly. When I am surrounded by friends, my voice and language, although still complex, tones down because not all of my friends understand some of the language that I use. Also, I use a lot of slang words with my friends and other teenagers that people in the academic world do not relate or understand.

VOICE!

The voice changes into an academic sense when I talk to a teacher or an authority. When i talk to friends or family I am in more of a conversational type tone and I interact completely different than I would with an authoritative figure. It can change within a community by whether or not I am comfortable where I am and if it is where I want to be. Voice is an every changing subject depending on who you are with because I could talk in a completely different voice when I am with certain people. The voice i have with my friends is more friendly and descriptive where authoritative figures can be intimidating causing me to have a more business and to the point voice.

Voices

My tone of voice and the language I use differs depending on who I am talking to. With my brother and sister or friends I don't mind using bad lanugage and being sarcastic and funny but when I'm at church or with my boyfriend's parents or my own family it's a different story. At Church or will adults I don't use bad language, I'm still sarcastic a little, but I watch what I say. In class, I like to be funny and make jokes but when I'm around people I don't know very well I'm a little more reserved, for about five minutes until I find someone to talk to. I know my mom doesn't like when my siblings and I use bad language so I try not to, but when I'm around my friends it makes it "ok" because we all use the same language.

Voice

My voice changes quite a bit depending on who I am talking to. When talking to friends often times you use slang words, or talk in incomplete senteces or short thoughts. Also often times you say things that are rude and disrespectful but no one ever really cares because that is how everyone is talking or acting. However when talking to teachers or other people who are in charge, the language used is often more eduacated and polite. People make sure to use manners, and other items that are necessary to sound intelligent.

How does my voice and language differ from place to place? Well quite a bit really. In class I reserve my opinions and dont speak my mind. I dont use any profanity or slang when talking to a teacher or authority figure. I try to appear professional and polished. When with friends however it all comes out. The real Ariel shows her head. I appear to be a little prissy girl in class and have been taken for 'stuck up'. Outside of class you will find that I'm actually quite the opposite. With friends, I am goofy and silly and say things without thinking not caring much how it sounds. With family, it is much the same however it depends on the family member. With my grandpa for example, there is not much room to joke. With my cousins however we never have a serious conversation.

Voice and language

My voice is very defined depending on who I am talking to. If I am talking to a teacher or my family, my voice and language is very formal. I don't curse, haha, and I try to use words that tend to be slightly more formal. With friends however I constantly laugh and speak out a lot more than I ever do with a teacher. My opinion is constantly known in the conversation and it's just a lot of good fun.

A blog me and Avery made

everyone check it out

http://blakesbigblueblog.blogspot.com/

Effective Argument

While writing the definition argument, I was sure to use tactics that I learned from the rhetorical analysis. I used logos, pathos, and ethos appeal when describing my own definition to reason to the reader. I also made sure to point out the weakness and what needed to be changed in the original definitions. During the writing of the definition argument I also used strong language and varied sentence structure. While doing the rhetorical analysis I worked with a piece of writing that was very strong and i used examples to structure my own writing.

Appyling previous knowledge

       I'm going to use pathos in my current paper that I am writing. Only becuase my word is "heart" and it is an emotional subject, so the only logical thing to do is use the appeal of emotion. I will also use structure and organization to make this paper better.  Understanding the word is the most important to me and in order to do that I am going to have provide good examples and make the reader comfortable with the subject. I am going to make sure that I have a good voice and  create a mood for the reader. Hopefully at the end of my paper the reader will fully understand my meaning and stance of the word heart.

ethos, pathos, logos for the new paper...

My new paper is going to include ethos, pathos, and logos throughout the whole paper.  Its easy to use pathos because most controversial words or topics have an emotional appeal.  For those who say art has to be "beautiful" or produce something "aesthetic", an emotionally moving piece of art work would definately back up their argument, but i know of countless works of art that aren't "beautiful" but are art nonetheless.  Ethically its kinda hard to prove my definition of art seeing how no ones given the word a universal definition.  But, i can still prove i know what im talking about by showing how much ive researched and read on the word.  Logos will be difficult as well because the word art relies alot on personal opinion especially when defining the word with so many different forms of art.  It'll be interesting to see how i relate art to the three 'os. 

2nd Paper

This paper is getting interesting to write, that's for sure. Mostly this is because we pretty much got to choose what our topic is. I'm still not sure exactly how I am going to end up putting this final thing together, but I'm really not sure how I'm going to use the appeals in my paper yet. I haven't really considered it. Because my word is family, I'm probably going to use the emotional appeal, since most people have a strong idea when they hear that word.

From the rhetoricl analysis assignment we last had, i think that it helped me out a lot because I learned how to analysize articles and say what kind of appeal they are using. It has helped me learn in what kind of approach the author is writing to his audience and what kind of appeal he/she is using. In this term definition assingnment I now know that if i write this towards an audience i would know to approeach them through a emotional appeal, because integrity is a word that reaches into peoples souls and defines their characteristics. I read an article yesterday that used the word from the bible to directly talk to the audience using stories that impacted other peoples lives. Ther rethorical assignment, i believe helped out, now allows me to use what ever skills i gained from it to analysize articles in a different form.