some of the ways that i can incorporate the feedback from my paper is by saying how i will make it better if i were to get a second chance to re-write the proposal. i need to focus more in my solution and put more detail into it. i also need to target my audience in a matter that would relate to their feelings of the subject. i wasn't to clear to who this proposal was directed to and that is a topic i missed many point on. it would become better writing if i knew how to gear my writing toward a audience