some of the ways that i can incorporate the feedback from my paper is by saying how i will make it better if i were to get a second chance to re-write the proposal. i need to focus more in my solution and put more detail into it. i also need to target my audience in a matter that would relate to their feelings of the subject. i wasn't to clear to who this proposal was directed to and that is a topic i missed many point on. it would become better writing if i knew how to gear my writing toward a audience

Proposal Comments

Regarding the comments I received on the proposal paper, I got similar feedback to what I have gotten before. I still need some developmental work on structure, although I also got comments that this aspect of my writing has definitely improved since the beginning of the course. I talked about structure in my inventory letter quite a bit and the comments I received on this paper will surely add some detail and example that I will be able to additionally provide to the letter.

Can i use these comments?

     Of course I can use these comments. For my revision assignment I am definitely going to take your advice and count all the words in my sentences and try to vary the length instead of everything being so repetitive. I am going to read each sentence out loud and see if everything flows continuously. For example, I am going to first add more to my paper then read out loud, then check if everything sounds right. Hopefully this technique will improve my paper and give me an A+++++++.

Improvement

I plan on writing more objectively than I have been because that was the biggest shortcoming of my paper. This will come from me first deciding who my audience is before writing my paper. If I do this, I will also be less likely to use informal language, and I will probably feel less need to write in the first person.

yo yo yo yo yo

Okay so I read over the comments aaannnnddddd...the biggest problem was not enough talk about how I was going to help cure obesity.  I did a good job setting up why it's a problem, but I needed to focus more on the solution.  I thought I outlined it pretty well, and didn't think it was necessary to fill ALL the blanks for the reader but oh well.  In terms of my next paper I'll just make sure my formulation of claim is strong and my solution is explained deeply.  My portfolio paper is going to be a good one because I have all of these revision ideas in mind. 

Portfolio/Inventory Letterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I will make sure to place my thesis much earlier in my final portfolio paper, as it helps dictate the rest of the paper. For my writer's Inventory Letter, the strengths and weaknesses will be outlined clearly, and I will explain how they fit into my writing as a whole. To further improve my final portfolio paper, I will better keep in mind who my audience is.

,,,,,,,,,,,,

The most common issue with my writing is the placement of commas. Sometimes I add commas unnecessarily, while other times they are absent altogether. I wrote about this very issue in my Writer's Inventory letter. I pause in akward places throughout my sentences, and forget to add commas when necessary. This is a relatively surface-level weakness, but it resuls in an unpolished final product. Punctuation has always been a weak point of my writing, and can be worked on through close revision in future papers.

OMG!

the comments that you left me are that i need to have smoother transitions and have a clear audience. I have to find ways instead of saying "one reason" or "next" to make my paper flow smoother. I have to have a clear audience by keeping my voice and word choice in the tone that I need for the clear audience in my paper.

Judging by my comments, I need to be more clear and focus more on my solution in my paper. It was suggested that I also bring up my ideas for a solution earlier in the paper. If I decide to revise this paper, I will fix all the punctuation and gramatical errors first, try and get to the point earlier in my paper and be more clear on what exactly my solution is.

Hi

I have to state my claim sooner in the paper. Also, I have to claim my audience sooner.

Stating my claim sooner will help my paper because I can back up my claim throught the paper. In other words, the later I state my claim, the less space I have to back it up. The same thing goes for the target audience. The sooner I state my target audience, the more I can adjust my arguemnt towards them.

Last Paper Details

The aspects of my latest paper that need work is organization and audience.

My paper was too informal at times do be geared toward the audience I had intended. I could rewrite some of my paper to make the letter sound more formal. The word choices could be more appropriate for my audience.

The other aspect of my paper that needs work is the organization. The statistics need to be more at the beginning and overall I can improve the organization and structure of the paper.

I got an A!

In my next problem/ solution paper, I will include more options and refute them to make it clear that my solution is the best one possible. In this specific case, I found that the traditional procedure, burying the dead, was really the only option I needed to refute. Any other options were just additions that could be made in addition to the burning of the corpse. I did find one very interesting solution, but it works in a way that people are more uncomfortable with it than they are with the thought of creamation. The new process I learned about was liquid hydrolysis. The body is hydrolized by an acid and turned into a greenish-brown liquid. They take this liquid and put it in batteries which can be recharged. . . very interesting, but even more morbid than I cared to entertain.

Portfolio

I feel that revising my sentence structure is the biggest opportunity in my paper. Sentence structure has been a common issue in all of my papers and I think it will be the easiest to fix. I plan on using the word count strategy to help me address this problem. The second opportunity for revision is punctuation. I need to focus on my punctuation to prevent comma splices. Comma splices have been a major issue in my writing the entire semester. I plan on reading the paper aloud to help me locate awkward sentences.

After reading the comments in my proposal, I know which aspects of my writing have improved and which things I still need to work on. One of my greatest issues throughout the semester was maintaining a formal tone. I mention this problem in my Writer's Inventory Letter, but I did not mention that I have greatly improved because tone wasn't a problem in this assignment. What I should mention in my Writer's Inventory Letter is that I should improve my language because I use vague and weak sentences that could be more powerful. I will also mention in my letter that I must also focus on sentence structure because my sentences in my proposal were almost the same length.

Reflection on proposal

For my Writer's Inventory letter I will make sure I have a strong conclusion, no run-ons and state my problem more clearly. With these items it will help the readers understand what I am specifically trying to say and not just assume what I am trying to say. I will also try my best to avoid repetition because repetition bores the reader. I will also continue to reread and keep my eyes open for any errors.

Portfolio Paper

I will incorporate the feedback into my letter as well as my portfolio paper. I will use the grammar and specific structure suggestions in order to make my paper the best in can be all together. I will take each and every piece of feedback to heart and consider it all to conclude how it will affect my writing. Feedback and suggestions are the best way to make papers better, which is why I will do my best to make every necessary change to my portfolio paper as well as my Letter.

W.I.L.?

Well I finally got an A on a paper! I've never been so happy this early in the morning, except maybe on Christmas! :) I seem to have an issue, using contractions. This is the second time that you have made a comment, about this particular issue. I will be making sure to take out all of these in my Portfolio paper. I also have reciently visited the writing center and we disscussed the difference between then and than. Ironic, that today I recieved the comment that I need to watch which one of these I use, and when. I will be working on this for sure, in my Portfolio paper. Also punctuation has never been my strong point, so I will be making sure that I pay particular attention to this as well.

Comments, Comments, Comments

For my Writer's Inventory letter, I will incorporate the fact that word choice and sentence length are still some of the weaknesses that I walked into class with. I will go back through my revision log to count how many words are in each of my senteces to see if I have enough variation. I will also make sure that my sentence structure is perfect in order for the audience to understand without being confused with the punctuation. The fact that I need to work better on diction ties into the fact that I need to work on my word choice. With working on my word choice and diction, my paper will sound more mature and clear for the intended audience to understand. So....yeah....

Works in progress

After reading over the comments I recieved, I know I need to work on incorperating stronger, more specific words into my writing so that I can make my point clearer to my audience. I need to make sure that my audience is clearly stated. My supporting evidence should be clearly outlined and analyzed so that my thesis is supported.

Using Feedback!!!

After reading over the comments on my paper, there is definitely things that I can use to make my portfolio better. One of the things that I can use is making a stronger introduction. Having a strong introduction leads the reader to want to continue reading and see what you have to say. Another thing that really needs to be worked on is my punctuation. I really need to work on this before English 2030. One way that I can fix this is by reading my papers out loud and see where I can add necessary punctuation. I can include these ideas in my writers inventory letter as possible weaknesses.

Revisions for Portfolio

I believe I can do some easy things to get my paper to become more effective. First, I can cut out all uneeded words, replace words with shorter words, and not use unclear diction. Certain words must not be used because they distract the reader from the visuals. These words I am talking about are usually inflated words that really have no definite meaning. When speaking about topics, I will go in detail about what it is that I am talking about. If I do use these broad terms and words, I will make sure that I explain it one or two steps further.

Strengths and Weaknesses

My strengths are that I am able to formulate my thesis very clearly and consisely. My main, huge weaknesses is I write way too much, and use too many words in what I'm saying. I can also be vague, and unclear about my information supporting my claim. Also, run-ons ruin many of my papers.

weaknesses and strengths

Before taking this English class, I had trouble with gathering thoughts, organizing them in an effective way. My claims were pretty clear. but needed restructuring with the support it included. I am working to improve my overall writing. Organization and sentence structure are key aspects i must focus on.

New Paper Title

I must have missed this blog posting since my light rail was 30 min late on Tuesday. . . While I stood in the freezing cold. . .
New titles could be:
1. Define: Celebrity
2. More than Famous
3. Celebrity?

S and W's

My strengths and weaknesses before this class include, good ideas, good sentence structure, bad planning, and bad thesis statements.  Nowadays my strengths have stayed the same except now...IDK. ..Its hard to pinpoint s and w's before and after this class because I don't really remember what my strengths and weaknesses in my english writing last year were and then this year I know I've gotten better at researching my topics but that's all I can think of.

Strength & Weakness

When starting this class the strongest point of my writing was voice and the weakest point was my examples or details I may have left out. After this course, I still see voice as my strongest point but it is closely followed by my attention to detail. I still have a hard time with not being all that clear with my points but after this class I do know how to improve that on my own. My skill of including detail improved due to that fact that during peer reviews I always got comments and feedback about how to add more detail.

Strengths and Weaknesses?

So before this class, I was in highschool. In highschool English courses if you write the paper and turn it in you get an A! My teachers never really gave me what I needed to improve on. Now, as a college student this has all changed. After writing my first paper, I saw that I tend to summarize what I'm writing about instead of explaining. Since the last paper, I have seen improvement in this area! HOORAYYY!

As of right now, I would say that my strengths lie in that I am very opinionated and can easily write a paper. The weaknesses are that I dont go into detail, and my punctuation isnt the greatest. I believe these have always been my strengths and weaknesses, I just never knew about them. Now that I am aware that they exist, I am working to fix them.

Oh, the things I have learned...

Coming Into The Class
Strengths
Good at spelling and grammar

Weaknesses
Organization
Vocabulary
Transitions

Leaving This Class
Strengths
Being able to write rough drafts with good ideas
Being able to revise and shape ideas into a good paper

Weaknesses
No apparent ones.

Things i have learned

This course has given me the task of learning to write different type of essays related to people emotions, and thought, by targeting audiences that are related toward the subject. this course has  allowed me to see my strenghts and weaknesses in writing and challenged me to go the extra mile in order for me to attempt and become a better writter.

A weakness that has been a problem within my papers has been the analysis part. I tend to be somewhat vague within my writing because I don't fully explain my supporting details. I feel that this has begun to improve, not only with my English papers but with papers for other classes as well. There are still times when I am a bit vague, but I don't feel that it is as bad as when the semester started.
Strengths within my writing are that my papers have a good organization and I remain focused on defending my claim throughout the paper. My papers are almost always well organized. The crucial thing that is needed within a paper is that one stays on the topic of the paper. Most papers usually stay on the topic of whatever my claim may be and I try to defend that claim as best as I can.

strength and weakness

I think my strength prior to this class was being able to write constructed responses and my weakness prior to this class was having a thesis. My strength while taking this class has been sticking to my claim and thesis (meaning not going off track while writing). My weakness are correct punctuation, having lots of run-ons and being concise. I think my strengths and weaknesses have changed while attending this class because I overcame my weakness not having a thesis to now needing to work on something new. Like in life there is always something to work on to become better at something.

My weak points

I had many weaknesses before I took this class and I still believe I have many weaknesses. However, I believe I have improved many of my weaknesses in this class.

Strengths/ weaknesses

I feel like my strength before this class was putting a clear idea together and formatting a paper around my idea. My weakness was making a clear thesis. My strength now is making the paper strong and clear and having a better more clear thesis. My weakness now is putting all the right peices into my paper

heavy metal time

I would say that before I took this class I was relatively unsure of my writing skills because it has been a long time since I have been in school. My ability to articulate is relatively strong, however, sometimes putting thoughts into a coherent train of thought can be a struggle. Before this class I had no recollection of how to cite sources, as it has been eight years since I've been required to do so. Since this class I feel like my writing flows more from one thought to another and I know how to write to a particular audience. Although I feel these areas have improved, I would say that they still need refining. The most obvious of my weaknesses (to me at least) is my wordiness at times. Sometimes I need to just get to the damn point.

Writer's Inventory

Before this class I had problems with run on sentences. My strengths were being able to create a strong argument and being able to incorporate tone into my writing. This class has helped me to improve my sentence structure and sentence variation. It took the majority of the class for me to realize my errors. Now I know what to correct and I'm working on improving my skills. My strength of being able to write a strong argument has improved because I didn't do a very good job with definition paper. I learned that I can't rush through a paper and expect it to make sense. I need to slow down and make sure the argument is strong and focused.

before and after

Before this class it had been 8 years since I was in a classroom so I had forgotten a lot of proper writing rules. My main weaknesses before this class were proper citations and alternatives to beginning sentences. I may have started every sentence prior to this class with The, She, He. . . etc. . . Now I recognize that each sentence needs a new introduction in order to not sound redundant or monotonous. I have also become stronger in the area of punctuation. . . constantly reminding myself of the rules and using them over and over has helped greatly.

Strengths and Weaknesses

My strengths in writing prior to this class were things such as writing a strong thesis, or analyzing sources. My weakness in writing would be using punctuation correctly. I do not really think that my strengths or weakness have really changed that much this semester. I still feel that I can write a strong thesis, because I have had a lot of training as far as what is needed to make a good thesis and what is not necessary. I still think that I include a lot of analysis is my essays. I think this is because I know that this is the key part of what is needed to make a good essay. I know that one of my main weakness is using puntuation correctly. I think that this has not changed because I havent really done a whole lot to fix this.

Oh Well...

Coming into English 1020
Strengths:
-Good content
-Ideas that flow
-Good use of quotes
Weaknesses:
-TRANSITIONS!
-punctuation and diction

Still....My strengths and weaknesses are pretty much the same. I realize that I do favor good content over the fact that my punctuation and transitions are barely there.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Before this class:

Strength: Thesis statements

Weakness: analysis

After this class:

Strength: Formulation of claims

Weakness: Grammar, analysis

I still have the same weaknesses and strengths pretty much. I'm working on the analysis part but I'm not the greatest at it. I have trouble because I put too much fact and not enough interpretation. I feel it will always be the most difficult part for me. My strength has always been formulating a good claim or thesis. It's easier for me to come up with a strong statement rather than analyze the evidence.

Writing

With my writing, I guess when it comes to what I've improved, it has not been on the procrastination of getting the work done. However, I think I've tried to work this year on really putting thought into what I write, instead of just trying to fly through an essay. One thing I know still needs work with my writing is my word choice. Instead of repeating a bunch of words I still need to work on finding other words.

the problems in my life...

strengths and weaknesses in my papers have always been structure, word choice and repetition. I feel like this class has helped me get rid of the repitition in my papers and in my writing. I have seen myself catching when i am using too many words to explain something when i can just simply say it. With word choice, this class gave me facts and the importance of word choice but i feel like I will always struggle with this no matter what.